Random Thought for Friday, April 17, 2015: Improper Subs and Crimes Against Humanity

IMG_20140824_105251Welcome to Friday’s Random Thought.

I like subs.  No, not the Navy submarines but rather the sandwiches.  I’ve loved eating sandwiches since I was a kid.  Partly because it is a quick and easy meal and in turn partly because they taste really good.

I like a nice hard crust sub roll smeared with mayo and spicy mustard.  Add to that a heaping of thinly sliced luncheon meats folded, crisp lettuce, tomato, banana peppers, green peppers and possibly jalapeno.

Yes, the meats need to be folded in open loops.  You need that air in the folds to allow for the flavor of the meat to mix nicely with everything when you are chewing.  Those of you who know of epic deli sub sandwiches know this to be true.  There is nothing I hate more than a wad of flat meat between two pieces of bread.  Well…I take that back.  I hate a poorly made sandwich with wonderful ingredients.

Take this for example.  You walk into your local eatery and order a ham and turkey sandwich.  They cut open the sub roll and then they dip a brush into the mayo and apply a micro thin “essence layer” of may to the bread.  They then do the same with the mustard, slap a wad of meat in the middle and add the lettuce that appears to have been run  through a cross-cut shredder and over diced peppers that have absolutely no crunch as they have been soaking in water for weeks.

Seriously?  A brushing dab of mayo and mustard?  It is as effective as holding the bread before the mayo and mustard and introducing the two.

Bread:  Hi there mayo and mustard, nice to meet you.

Mayo:  Hello there, allow my smell to hit you for a moment.  Yep, that’s it, that’s all you’re getting of me!

Mustard:  Ditto.

Bread:  *** cries in agony as a WAD of meat lands, applying more lack of flavor ***

No.  This does not work.  Introducing a lovely cut of prime rib to a fire in the same fashion works wonderfully if you like your steak rare.  Using the same principle for a sub sandwich with regards to mayo and mustard?  Nope, doesn’t even work.

Why do they use a freaking brush anyway?  To save costs?  The wad of tasteless meat they just slapped on cost more than a normal helping of the mayo and mustard.  Put on some of that stuff so that this sandwich has some freaking flavor as there will be nothing coming from the meat or that poor excuse for bread.  Ugh, I hate overly stale bread that if put through a chipper makes a great replacement for road gravel.  Please, stop making this stuff so horribly wrong.

What do I mean when I say a wad of meat?  Well, to be able to taste the luncheon meat, it must be cut thin.  If you hold up a properly cut piece of luncheon meat to a light, you will be able to see some of the light pass through the meat.  Sliced thin meat.  Not shaved, sliced.  Shaved is cut at an angle and it thicker on one end than the other.  A slice is of an even thickness across the entire cut.  This is paramount as when you fold the meat in a slight S shape, you can get to pockets of air on the slice of meat as you place it upon the bread.

Pro tip here.  If you make that S shape when folding the meat on the sandwich, you can actually use less meat than that flat pile of horror you have been making.  That saves you money as a vendor as you are giving more flavor for less money.  Take that savings and buy a freaking knife to spread that mayo and mustard on the sandwich.  Your customers will thank you by coming to visit you again.

So all you folks who work at Subuway, Blimpie, Publix and what not.  While I know you are trying and only following the rules set forth by various management people, please understand this.  What you are doing is a crime against humanity.

Please stop.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Wordless on Wednesday


Random Thought for Friday, April 10, 2015: Happy Allergy Season!

IMG_20140430_120300Welcome to Friday’s Random Thought.

There are moments when you write a long wonderful piece to share with the masses.  Something thought provoking and profound.  Then, as you engage in the beginnings of the tissue paper recycling process, you find something that conveys your thoughts so much better.

In the spirit of bowing to a greater artistic expression concerning allergy season, I give you one the greats moments in film from the classic, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Wordless on Wednesday



Random Thought for Friday, April 3, 2015: Happy Easter!

PA304728Happy Easter Everyone!

Today I’m taking a break from the Friday’s Random Thought feature.

Enjoy the holiday!