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Random Thought for Friday, August, 15, 2014: Shape up! Uh, erm…WHAT?

facial-fitness-pao-beauty-smile-workout-tool-cristiano-ronaldo-1Welcome to Friday’s Random Thought.

There are moments that just make me weep for the species.  Moments that just fill you with shock and awe at the breadth and width of human creativity. Unfortunately, some of these moments also make you wonder if Darwin had any idea of just how wrong he was.

Take this photo for a moment.  I must credit this photo as it is not mine.  It’s for an ad for a product at Japan Trend Shop called Facial Fitness Pao Smile Trainer (

Go ahead and take a gander at this product or some of the other beauty products that are available if you wish and please understand that I am no way endorsing these items.  If however, you want to take a gander at many things that embody human creativity gone awry and laugh out loud, please enjoy!

This gem is just another in a long line of products that I personally believe are wonderful attempts by marketing folks at trolling the human race.  Andy Kaufman, if he were alive today, I believe would certainly lend a chuckle or two when looking at these ads.  You can almost see in your mind how marketing people come up with these items..

“Okay, so, we had great success with that thigh machine.  That oscillating dumbbell thingy makes it look like everyone is engaging a lewd phallic sexual act and as a result we have made a lot of money making people look like idiots.  So, what can we do next?  Oh, I know. The World Cup is on everyone’s minds. Let’s get a football star, someone from say, Spain.  Yeah, get that Cristiano Ronaldo guy and do up his hair to make him look like a modern version of the mascot from Bob’s Big Boy restaurants because, you know, silly hair styles from the 1980’s are making a comeback and…”


“Sam, stop playing Angry Birds, we are trying to come up with an….I’VE GOT IT!  Sam, you are a genius.  Let’s put together a pacifier with two flappy paddles on each side, have that Cristiano fella hold it in his mouth and bounce up and down.  It will look like a birds wings flapping around.  We can call it a facial exerciser.  No, that’s too benign.”

“Fitness, that’s a buzzword, right?  Oh, when we market this to the USA, we need to change football to soccer, otherwise they will be looking for Dion Sanders and they won’t know what it is we are talking about”

“Yes Sam, we will make that change for the USA campaign.  Okay, so, we have fitness, other buzz words….facial….kung pao, smile.  THAT’S IT!  Facial Fitness Pao Smile Trainer”

“What about iPro Facial Fitness?  Wouldn’t that grab all those iPhone folks?”

“No Sam, we can’t do that.  Apple has copyrighted that small i along with all the other letters of the alphabet and almost every shape with rounded corners.  Damn, I need to talk to legal and make sure Apple hasn’t copyrighted this shape too.  I would give my left foot for Apple’s legal team.”

“Uhm, Tom, didn’t you almost loose your left foot with those ProRollEase speed strength walking cross training iFit sneakers with optional steamer attachment?”

“Yeah Sam, I did get a painful sprain and Apple and Nike did a number on us for using iFit…but I’ve got to tell you, when you plug them into the power outlet, they steam my cauliflower and broccoli just right every time!”

Yeah, Darwin?  I feel for ya mate.  I really do.  Want to revise your little theory or perhaps an addendum from the grave about how humans are exempt?  It might be time.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Published inFriday's Random ThoughtHumor

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