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Random Thought for Friday, February 5th, 2016: I Can’t Even…

IMG_20140505_085058Welcome to Friday’s Random Thought.

 “I can’t even…” is a phrase that you may hear from time to time. Usually it results from some interaction someone had with the more entertaining and more stupid side of humanity.

The case in point here comes from yet another visit to a Walmart. I was looking for shoes for my son. His beloved Batman shoes which would light when he walked no longer light up.

Anyway, I was looking at the racks of shoes, getting disappointed as they no longer have the same Batman shoes anymore when I hear two people’s voices getting elevated. Seems that this couple is breaking up. Yup, all the cool kids do their breaks ups at Walmart stores now. It’s a thing apparently.

So I just try to focus on finding some shoes for Logan and this couple just seems to be moving closer to me. As I turn to effectively run away, the guy addresses me.

Guy: “Yo man, let me ask you somethin'”

Me: “Uh, okay?”

Guy:  “She’s throwing me outta of her place, believe it?”

Me: “It’s not really my place to say sir, I really don’t….”

Guy:  “How am I supposed to move my clothes and stuff?”

Me: “Uhm…head over that way and you can find luggage?”

Guy: ” Yeah man, I can buy some of those, thanks!”

At this point the lady who is with him hauls off and hit him over the head with bag of potato chips she’s carrying.

Lady: “You gonna buy some of those? You told me you was broke! Damnmit!”

She hits him again and again. At this point I turn around and head for the front of the store. A few employees rush past me along with a security guard. This struck me as I have never remembered seeing security guards at Walmart stores. I am stopped by said guard and the couple continues to brawl out their issues.

Guard: “Sir, do you know this couple?”

Me: “No, uh, don’t you think someone should stop this fight?”

The guard looks at the couple who now have fallen to the floor, grappling one an other and kicking furiously.

Guard: “Uhm, no, not getting into that. Ain’t love grand?”

Me: “Yeah…uhm…I see blood on the floor.”

Guard:  “Yeah, time to clear this up.”

I go to the checkouts and the cashier who is ringing me up asks, “Did you see what that yelling was about?”

I tell her about what I saw. She comments, “Fourth time this week.  Seems break ups here are thing now. Have a nice day!”

Yeah…I can’t even…begin to fathom why this has become the “new normal” at that Walmart. Seriously, we are just going to accept that violent break ups in a Walmart are a thing? Well, I shall embrace the insanity of it all and convey the thought that popped into my head as I left the store. I can see this becoming a reality TV show. “Walmart Roll Backs, roll that significant other to the curb!”

BTW Walmart, you do this, make that reality TV show.  I get the finders fee, okay?


Published inFriday's Random ThoughtHumor

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