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Random Thought for Friday, October 2, 2015: Arwelle

JournalCupWelcome to Friday’s Random Thought.

Today’s thought is a writing tidbit from my daily exercises. This writing prompt was to take a holiday joke and envelope it within a story.

I hope you enjoy and I must warn you, I am not sure where the hell my brain was when I wrote this.

Arwelle was thrilled this morning.  It took 3 long hard years but he had finally made it. Today was the day he would take a knee before the King and receive his title and his honor. Today was the day he would receive his knighthood.

With armor gleaming and a joyous smile beaming Arwelle walked proudly through the castle courtyard to meet with his destiny or so he thought. You see, when someone is trying to walk proudly while wearing armor, things happen.  Things such as you lean back a bit, you hold your head high, you smile broadly and you completely miss the pile of horse shit in front of you.

Arwelle missed it completely with his eyes.  His feet however were very adept at locating said horse shit. For those of you who are unaware, horse shit is like any other shit in that when you step on it while wearing footwear that is lacking in gripping ability, you tend to slip and fall.

Poor Arwelle, he slipped, he fell…loudly as his proud armor came crashing down, impaling his pride upon the ground.

Laughter erupted as everyone in the courtyard pointed at poor Arwelle. He slowly got up, armor clanging and poop clinging. Apparently he didn’t know what caused him to slip and the direction of the wind conspired to keep the smell from his nose. So, being the proud knight to be, he continued his walk towards the throne room.

As he walked, people would become overcome by the smell, double over and attempt to not pass out. Arwelle, being high on his pride thought nothing of it, They honor me, I am already a great knight!

He continued on his walk until he was just outside the throne room when suddenly reality and the wind changed for him.

What is that smell?

As Arwelle was ushered into the throne room, the wind caught up behind him and joined with the announcement of his name, spilling into the hall.

The King, being wise and patient, stood up and covered his nose at the stench that had befallen his pristine throne room.

“I see you have arrived. Come forward as I tell you a tale. You know of the birth of our Christian Lord?”

Arwelle, embarrassed at the smell he was carrying and the filth that covered his armor, he still answered with pride, “Yes my King, I know it well.”

The King smirked and a glint filled his eye, “I think not. Do come forward, I shall tell you the tale. You see, Joseph and Mary had to spend the night in the stable for there was no room in inn.  They stayed there as our Lord was born. Shortly after his birth, three old and wise men arrived presenting gifts. As they approached, one of the old men stepped into trouble.”

Arwelle spoke up, “As I have apparently my King.”

The King nodded to Arwelle, “Yes, apparently. You should know that stepping into trouble has resulted in many a twist in fate. For example, when this wise old man stepped into trouble, it was a rake. As rakes do when stepped upon, the handle rose quickly from the ground and firmly presented itself between his legs and leaving a distinct impression upon his manhood. He had great cause exclaim. ‘JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY!'”

Chancing blasphemy everyone in the throne room chuckled at the King’s remarks for several minutes. Arwelle stood there aghast as what he heard. The King taking note of everyone’s reaction continued.

“As such, Mary looked at her husband Joseph and asked, ‘Do you think it not be a better name than Sheldon?'”

Again, the room filled with chuckling but the King was not finished.

“Arwelle, son of  William. Fate has dealt you a twist of fate this day.  Before me you appear covered in the shit of a horse. Your stench burrows into my very bones but it was your father’s dying wish that you become a knight and it shall be. I dub thee Sir Willypoo.”

Arwelle, now Sir Willypoo, stood smiling, “Thank you, my King Latrine.”


Published inFriday's Random ThoughtHumorTidbitWriting

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